A vaccine for stupidity, and different cheeky needs

That is the time of 12 months I ship my wish-list off to Santa. However this observe slowly got here to a halt because it’s been fairly a number of years since I final had religion in roly-poly, white-haired males with snowy beards to match. However like most married ladies and the typical voter, I additionally appear to be a sucker in putting hope over crushing actuality. So this 12 months I’m spreading my web far and vast by interesting to all our 33 million gods. Who is aware of, maybe one or two could discover the time to hearken to my wish-list regardless of being largely occupied in seemingly granting the Ambani household their each want.

1. Roads as clean as cheeks: I assumed if I start by being altruistic then maybe the almighty could be extra inclined to grant me my very own needs. This one is on behalf of Rajasthan minister Rajendra Singh Gudha. When a crowd gathered to complain in regards to the potholed roads within the district, he promised them that they might quickly be as clean as Katrina Kaif’s cheeks. To not be left behind and maybe consulting a special dermatologist, Maharashtra minister Gulabrao Patil boasted that the roads in his constituency have been as clean as Hema Malini’s cheeks. I’ve heard of competitions being neck to neck however this was actually cheek to cheek. I even have a sense that whereas roads could get a makeover, these netas are going to have a bumpy journey forward.

2. Give North Koreans a break: And never the type Kim Jong-un imposed on his residents, the place laughter was banned for a interval of 11 days to mark his father’s loss of life anniversary. I’m in fact going to make use of this to persuade all our desi naysayers by saying, ‘See how a lot better we’re than North Korea, right here at the very least it’s not the folks laughing that go to jail, solely those who make us snort!’

3. Reality-checkers: Are you able to simply stuff one fact-checker inside every politician’s postbox? If the good males who rule us are refusing to make use of Google, then they will simply pull these dudes out to go over their speeches earlier than they pull out a mike. Our Prime Minister might have used one just lately when he mentioned, ‘Goa got here underneath Portuguese rule at a time when different main elements of the nation have been dominated by the Mughals.’ Keep in mind the time Kejriwal known as for a halt in air site visitors between the 2 nations due to a brand new non-existent ‘Singapore variant’ or Rahul Gandhi referred to ‘Steve Jobs of Microsoft’? A fact-check a day could not hold docs away particularly throughout these instances, however it would undoubtedly assist in preserving critics away.


4. A present for Jeff Bezos: Give him a comb, and he won’t ever half with it, or so goes a joke I as soon as learn in Reader’s Digest. On a critical notice although, what are you able to give the world’s second richest man? How about some celebrity charisma! After a video of the billionaire’s girlfriend trying up star-struck at Leonardo DiCaprio went viral, Bezos did what any regular man would do. He tweeted a shirtless photograph of himself tagging the Titanic star with a caption that acknowledged, ‘Leo, come over right here, I wish to present you one thing.’ Behind him was an indication that learn, “Hazard! Steep cliff. Deadly drop.”
They do say, cash can get you a canine and a lady, however it could’t make the canine wag its tail or the woman smile at you want ‘my coronary heart will go on’ from Titanic is taking part in in her head.

5. Make the Chinese language as gullible as we’re: Current satellite tv for pc photographs present that China has apparently constructed a second new village alongside the disputed border in Arunachal Pradesh. We’ve got been making an attempt to get again at them for some time with actions like banning Chinese language cellphone apps like TikTok and renaming dragonfruit as ‘kamalam’. In some way one will get the sensation that it’s not fairly a watch for a watch. However then traditionally and culturally, it hasn’t been equal. Like I’ve mentioned earlier, give it some thought, we gave them Buddhism and in return they gave us Rooster Manchurian.6. A treatment for stupidity: A treatment for Omicron could be an excessive amount of to anticipate however how a couple of treatment for the stupidity that appears to contaminate anti-vaxxers? I hold listening to folks arguing in opposition to the vaccine by saying, ‘Oh it’s not just like the vaccinated can’t unfold it!’ Thankfully, I can now quote Zack Bornstein, a author and comic who responded to the same silly remark with, ‘Each Usain Bolt and I can run 100 metres.’

7. A brand new season of Succession: I need extra episodes of Succession in order that I can spend much more time getting nothing executed. I wish to see Kendall being earnest, chuckle at Roman’s throwaway traces, watch Siobhan strategise, however most of all, I wish to be just like the patriarch Logan Roy who is rarely held accountable.

what I simply observed whereas speaking about Succession’s Logan — males with cuddly stomachs and white passing-for-wisdom beards, together with Santa Claus, can get away with every part.
Have you ever realised that Santa has efficiently duped tens of millions of youngsters into believing that he was giving all of them these wrapped presents when it has all the time been their mother and father who’re laying out the large bucks.

Just about the identical manner we’re deluded into believing we’re being introduced with colleges, hospitals and even vaccine jabs whereas paying for them by way of our noses and our tax invoices.
I don’t know if my prayers will likely be answered however since I must carry my spirits up, I’m going to set off on a mission to chug distilled spirits down. May as properly benefit from festivities, as after a number of weeks of jingling bells and a few hectic tooting of New 12 months social gathering horns, I’ve a sense we could quickly be again to banging thali mode.



Views expressed above are the creator’s personal.


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